Shin's Blog

Simple.

2012-02-04T10:02:00.000-05:00

I'm not entirely sure if I should attribute it to the fact that I'm just not bright enough to properly handle and process everything, lack the discipline to execute it or if it's just a commonality amongst all people but I'm beginning to find that I can't continually compile life principles/lessons/thoughts and actually apply them to my life in a meaningful way. Rather, I need to start focusing on the one or two thoughts that I find to be essential and just delve deeper into them finding new ways to further live out the same principles.

Side note: I definitely pass out harder than any other human being while I'm on the subway and/or bus. I'm almost certain that I snore while doing so. It sucks so much that it's funny.

I am becoming increasingly convinced

2012-01-18T21:55:00.002-05:00

that a lethargic attitude towards living is not so much a flaw in character or a bad habit as it is, in its purest form, some form of an evil that thoroughly corrodes your life from the inside out.

Perspective

2011-12-28T02:54:00.000-05:00

"For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment; if he did not spare the ancient world when he brought the flood on its ungodly people, but protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness, and seven others; if he condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by burning them to ashes, and made them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; and if he rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the depraved conduct of the lawless (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard) - if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment."

2 Peter 2:4-9

"It's not about you, you mathematical dick!"

Being Able To Be Thankful

2011-12-26T00:57:00.000-05:00

on a daily basis is definitely the result of a conscious decision that is regularly made and constantly revisited. All the varying circumstances and situations that you find yourself in are simply platforms for you to exercise your creativity and resolve in a heart that is slowly learning to grow in gratitude.

Immanuel

2011-12-13T14:46:00.000-05:00

King of heaven now the friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father's hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man.

Yes, He walked my road and He felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps give me hope again
I will follow my Immanuel

Vantage Point

2011-11-20T11:21:00.001-05:00

Every single act/decision has a resulting consequence. Everybody knows that. But I find it interesting how some people realize that and get all adrenalized from thinking about all the wonderful possibilities that entails; life is a great big canvas and you should throw all the paint you can on it and so on and so forth. Then there are others for whom that very same thought is a debilitating one; scared to think and live freely, boldly and excitingly. I seem to fall more into the latter category.

Pansy.

You Know What...

2011-11-17T02:41:00.001-05:00

Being weird is quite alright. Even good I might say. Actually, I am saying it. Being weird is a good thing in my book. Just be pure is all.

Just sayin'.

Calling Out

2011-10-25T23:02:00.000-04:00

The words don't come out right, no matter how I try
If only I could talk to you and I could find
What's standing in the way?
Don't know how to say I need you here to help me

I can't change on my own
I've been leaning on my strength
Alone

Can you hear me now? I don't wanna be without you
It's you that I want to turn to. So, I'm calling out
When I am afraid and I feel so far away
I know you're waiting. So I'm calling out

Forgive the way I run
Not feeling good enough
I want so much to come to you 'cause I've come undone

There isn't anything to keep your love from me
I need you here to help me

I can't change on my own
I've been leaning on my strength
Alone

Can you hear me now? I don't wanna be without you
It's you that I want to turn to. So, I'm calling out
When I am afraid and I feel so far away
I know you're waiting. So, I'm calling out

-Steph Shaw

2011-09-29T23:38:00.002-04:00

Thou art coming to a King
Large petitions with thee bring
For His grace and power are such
None can ever ask too much

-John Newton

It's A Heart Thing

2011-05-14T01:06:00.014-04:00

I often find myself overly concerned with my circumstances and situation, rather than focusing on what would be the best course of action at the current moment. Moreso than ever I try to gauge how profitable it would be for me in the long run to invest my time and energy into certain efforts and relationships and then I act according to my estimations. So, if someone whom I feel can only marginally benefit me acts a bit cumbersomely, my patience is very short or it's very easy for me to not concern myself with him/her. If I find myself stuck with a task that also seems to have very little personal benefit for me and is more time consuming than acceptable, I find myself highly agitated and concerned only with getting it done and over with as quickly as possible; not at all attentive to the satisfaction of whoever it is that put in the request. And I do sense the vileness slowly brewing up from within and I catch myself constantly blaming my circumstances; "if only this person wasn't like this," or, "if only this opportunity was given to me," or, "if only I had this available to me." So many 'if only's.'

At which point this excerpt helped me tremendously:

The terrible, tragic fallacy of the last hundred years has been to think that all man's troubles are due to his environment, and that to change the man you have nothing to do but to change his environment. That is a tragic fallacy. It overlooks the fact that it was in Paradise that man fell. It was in a perfect environment that he first went wrong, so to put man in a perfect environment cannot solve his problems. No, no; it is out of 'the heart' that these things arise. Take any problem in life, anything that leads to wretchedness; find out its cause, and you will always discover that it comes from the heart somewhere, from some unworthy desire in somebody, in an individual, in a group or in a nation. All our troubles arise out of this human heart which, we are told by Jeremiah, is 'deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?'

Also, I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about Bible figures like Joseph, David and Moses; particularly their years down in the gutters. I try incessantly to put myself in their shoes and try to figure out how it is that that they handled themselves during those seemingly, and quite actually, unbearable times in their lives and how they got out of it.

I'm sure during his years down in the prison cells, Joseph recalled his dreams many times and I wonder how that must've affected his outlook at his situation. He was supposed to be in a prominent position but there he was, a pathetic prisoner literally going nowhere with his life. I'm sure that situation would be difficult no matter the circumstances but in light of such dreams it must've been infinitely more debilitating. Yet, he continued to serve well. I may be creating an image too picturesque, but I'm pretty sure he didn't look at his fellow prisoners as low-lifes not worth his time, but rather was accommodating and loving towards them; giving them his time and energy whole-heartedly.

Same goes with David during his years of running around and living in caves. It must've been even harder for him because he physically got anointed with oil to be a king only to be living like a convict and a vagabond a few years later. Yet, even he served well. Even at his miserable state, he concerned himself with other peoples affairs and went out of his way to help save and rescue other people who came to him in need.

These people didn't calculate other people's worths before investing themselves in them. They didn't look at their surroundings and determine whether or not they should spill out their hearts diligently. No matter the people, no matter the situation, they were fully faithful.

A verse that I've been trying to live by for so long but has never fared well has been, "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much."

All these things point to the fact that, as stated above, everything boils down to a heart issue; my heart before God. It's so easy to say that God works at a different pace than us and that He values things completely contrary to the values of society, but nobody ever lives according to those facts. So when God actually intervenes and sets our lives on a course that only makes sense according to His timetable and His value system, we completely crumble. We become such surly people. We realize that we don't trust His timing and that our hearts valued the exact same things as those who do not know God. We neglect the very same types of people and situations that the rest of the world looks down upon.

I want so badly to be like Moses and Joseph and David. I'm not certain as to what being faithful in such 'lowly' positions and situations will result in in this lifetime; we may be blessed along the same vein as Joseph and David and Moses and be able to get a taste of His blessings on this side of eternity, or we may not. But I really believe that the only reason said people were able to serve so faithfully no matter the circumstances is because their allegiance to God was a living reality in their lives. They understood that every moment was a moment lived before God and every act could be an act done in faith to God. And pleasing God was an honest and genuine desire and passion in their lives. Obviously, all those people point ultimately to Jesus, for no one served more faithfully in a more humiliating situation for more worthless people than He did.

So as much as I may acknowledge it and say that I know it, unless I start to truly trust in God and have a heart that is concerned supremely with being faithful to Him, I will always be complaining about my current state of affairs, which will result in a constant missing of opportunities to exercise my faith.

Doctrine To Praise

2011-05-07T02:34:00.004-04:00

Our salvation is entirely from God but because of our morbid preoccupation with ourselves and our states and moods and conditions, we tend to talk of salvation only in terms of ourselves and of what is happening to us. Of course that is of vital importance, for true Christianity is experimental. There is no such thing as a Christianity which is not experimental; but it is not only experimental. Indeed it is the extent of our understanding that ultimately determines our experience. We spend so much of our time in feeling our spiritual pulses and talking about ourselves and our moods and conditions that we have but little understanding of the planning of what God has done. But the Apostle generally starts with this, as also does the Bible.

I call attention to this matter, not because I am animated by some academic or theoretical interests, but because we rob ourselves of so much of the glories and the riches of grace when we fail to take the trouble to understand these things and to face the teaching of Scripture. We tend to take a chapter at a time; we pass on; and we do not stop to analyse and to realize what it is saying to us. Some even try to excuse themselves by saying that they are not interested in theology and doctrine. Instead, they want to be 'practical' Christians and to enjoy Christianity. But how terribly wrong that is! The Scriptures give us this teaching, the Apostle Paul wrote these letters that people like ourselves might understand these things. Some of the people to whom Paul wrote were slaves who had not had a secondary or even a primary education. We often say that we have not the time to read - shame on us Christian people! - the truth being that we have not taken the trouble to read and to understand Christian doctrine. But it is essential that we should do so if we really desire to worship God. If there is no praise in a Christian's life it is because he is ignorant of these things. If we desire to praise God, we must look at the truth, and expand our souls as we come face to face with it. If we want to say 'Blessed be God' from the heart we must know something about how He has planned this great salvation.
-M. Lloyd-Jones

A Highly Disconcerting Thought...

2011-05-07T00:23:00.002-04:00

You are absolutely powerless to change anything in anybody.

RIP Rev. Wilkerson

2011-04-28T22:17:00.005-04:00

I'm not all too certain as to why but the news of David Wilkerson's passing has really put me in a slump. Normally, tragic news doesn't really affect me all that much; been too desensitized. But there's definitely some palpable pangs at the moment.

But I'm truly thankful for a man like him. Only the Lord knows the extent to which I've received solace through his words over the years.

Reality

2011-04-15T00:08:00.002-04:00

I've never been an overly expressive person when it comes to things that I should be grateful for. I look at others who seem to well up over the smallest of charities and others who seem to have thankfulness permeate throughout their entire being that they're able to regularly be genuine in their appreciation for things such as the air that they breathe, the clothes on their back, the sunshine on their face, etc. A sense of gratitude seems to flow so naturally for people like that. For myself, on the other hand, it's more of a deliberate task that I need to take up. Only after much deliberation and extended stays in prayer do I seem to be able to conjure up enough seemingly sincere gratitude that subsequent actions feel honest. But nonetheless, it was something that I regularly kept in mind and tried to practice often.

But I've come to notice that I can't even quite remember when I've last attempted to get to that place of thankfulness. It's become a bit tiresome to forcibly engage in a litany of things to be appreciative of. Not that I don't wish to be thankful but it all just seems so feigned. And it got me thinking as to how or why I got to this point.

One explanation, or possibly the explanation, is that I seemed to have forgotten the object of my faith and the reason for my joy. How many times have I recited the phrase that everything points to God? When you read the Bible, everything is leading you to and illuminating who Jesus is. But functionally, I've gradually turned my entire faith to be about everything but God; mainly myself. The main objective of my time reading Scripture seems to be to fuel my introspective thoughts. What does the Bible reveal about my character or condition and what solutions does it offer for me to put into practice and apply? Whenever I read about anything pertaining to God's character my primary concern is how does that affect me? Not that these are thoughts to cut out of the process as I believe this is one of the functions of the Bible, but I've allowed this to become the crux of my faith. And over time, a continual practice of this leaves you in a miserable state as this self-indulging mindset carries over from your time spent in solitude to seep into all facets of your life.

You become so much more self-aware everywhere you go, which leads to an uncontrollable roller coaster mix of arrogance and mortification. It seemingly leaves you in a hand-cuffed state of being and when you do act, it's mainly out of frustration; founded mainly in yourself. And another horrible symptom is that you start to judge other people's faiths left and right. You swear to yourself that the Christian people who seem to be so upbeat around you are only like that because their faiths aren't actually grounded in God but in their circumstances and if a little slip-up were to enter into their lives, they'd be exposed.

At the same time, there are people around you that you know for certain seem to possess a genuine faith. You can almost trust that it's been tried and proven to be true and you love to be around such people. They don't feel a need to veil themselves in any way because what you see of them seems to be true of them inwardly as well and they have a deep assurance about themselves that just sticks out. And it's different from people who are born with such a care-free, comfortable disposition. It's weightier. It's truer. And when said people utter out a thanksgiving towards God, you long to be able to peer into that person's relationship with God and get a glimpse of their relationship with Christ.

But why am I even so concerned about other people? As much as you tell yourself not to be, you're constantly around them and you soon find that just telling yourself to brush it all aside is never going to work. You also tell yourself to stop being so concerned about yourself. Stop caring so much about what others think or say or do. Just figure out what it is that you yourself should be doing and stick to it. But that doesn't even come close to working either. Dig deep down enough and you'll discover that you have no idea which motivations are of your own and which are ones that have been manipulated to please others. The more you try to assess things, the more you realize that nothing makes sense. So, of course it's difficult to be thankful. Depending on which crowd you're in front of, the very same trait could be ridiculed or valued. So when you're alone, you don't even know what kind of value to stamp onto various areas of your life. I mean, of course you can be thankful for a loving family and friends and so on. But anybody in the world could do that. What differentiates you as a Christian?

The answer, of course, is God. And for some reason or another, that answer struck me pretty ruthlessly. That really is the only thing that differentiates me. There seriously is nothing else. Everybody else, in one way or another, need to find or achieve something to validate their lives. They need to rely solely on sheer will power to press through and accomplish what needs to be done. But because I have God, things are different. He validates who I am by loving me. He tells me to rest because there's nothing that I need to prove or accomplish to fulfill anything; and the list goes on and on.

But there's two qualifications that didn't seem to be true in my life. One is that there seemed to be a gross lack of understanding and belief of this. And secondly, there seemed to be a gross lack of understanding and belief as to the very nature of God. If God is truly supposed to be the reason why my life is to be different, than a mere cognitive acceptance of said truths simply won't cut it. My understanding of His love for me has to exist in a much truer way than simply as an abstraction. If things in my life fall apart and I'm literally left with nothing (regardless of whether it's due to my own shortcomings or just "unfortunate circumstances") to a point where everybody were to count me worthless, just reciting to myself that God loves me and that He's powerful won't provide for me what I need to prevent myself from being crippled and to dust myself off and get started again. God's love for me needs to be real. Otherwise, I'll never be able to ever love anybody because there's always going to be differences that irk me and I'll never be able to forget about myself and fully focus on the other person. And if I continue to shrink Him down to a point where I can manage Him, there's always going to be limits as to how much I'll expect from Him. To quote Tim Keller, "If you just say that, 'Oh, God loves me,' that will not transform your identity. You have to boast in the cross."

The solution isn't found in constantly evaluating myself and trying to identify my flaws or shortcomings and attempting to right my wrongs; although those things do need to be addressed. But that endeavor will be endless and will not progress to anywhere. I need to learn more about the object of my hope and faith. If I let the struggles that are around me affect me the way that they have been, I clearly do not know well enough the God to whom my well-being is being looked after. It's difficult in that the problems at hand seem as if they need to be addressed immediately and in some ways they do, and just spending time trying to figure someone else out seems to be counter-productive. But I guess that's what He means when He says to be still and know that He is God.

My prayer is that just as David was able to cling onto God and thank Him while he was being chased from cave to cave; and just as Joseph's life was seemingly worthless yet full of struggles yet was able to stay faithful to God… I want God to be such a reality in my life that I can genuinely be thankful and joyful deep within in my soul based on one fact alone: that I have Jesus.

Is This Really Possible?

2011-03-22T21:44:00.001-04:00

"Some of us know at times what it is to be almost too happy to live! The love of God has been so overpoweringly experienced by us on some occasions, that we have almost had to ask for a stay of the delight because we could not endure any more. If the glory had not been veiled a little, we should have died of excess of rapture, or happiness."
-Spurgeon

I Asked The Lord That I Might Grow

2011-03-16T23:48:00.006-04:00

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face

'Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He'd answer my request;
And by His love's constraining pow'r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow'rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part

Yea, more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
This is the way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith

These inward trials I employ,
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may'st find thy all in Me

-John Newton

Insanity

2011-03-14T03:45:00.002-04:00

There are instances when I'm all alone and I literally start laughing out loud while musing over certain things in my life... that are serious. I scare the hell out of myself sometimes.

Psalm 40

2011-03-10T19:19:00.005-05:00

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet up on a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted, but you have given me an open ear. Burnt offering and sin offering you have not required. Then I said, "Behold, I have come; in the scroll of the book it is written of me: I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

I have told of the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord. I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation.

As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; and your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.

Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me! O Lord, make haste to help me! Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether who seek to snatch away my life; let those be turned back and brought to dishonor who delight in my hurt! Let those be appalled because of their shame who say to me, "Aha, Aha!"

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the Lord!" As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!

Vision

2011-02-23T00:08:00.002-05:00

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on;you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

-C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

Challenge

2011-02-07T19:27:00.003-05:00

He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.

-Luke 16:10

2011-01-26T12:16:00.003-05:00

"The role of the will in sanctification: How intentional must you be to tear out your eye? Totally. It's never spontaneous."

-Piper

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything."

Clutter

2011-01-17T22:29:00.008-05:00

As enriching as it may be to spend time in the Scriptures, there are also moments when it is just flat out daunting. There is just so much depth to it and the sheer volume of knowledge that it presents is just ridiculous. Sometimes after spending an extended period of time reading and studying the Word, I seem to walk away overwhelmed to a point where I don't seem to know how to connect any of the dots and I feel far less equipped than when I had first begun. And if that was the case after reading a textbook or something... as much as that would suck, it'll still be fine. But the Scriptures are supposed to be my lifeline; my gateway into a deeper and truer relationship with God and my compass for the actual life that I'm supposed to live. So walking away completely bewildered is honestly a bit disconcerting. But on a positive note, those moments do challenge me in certain ways that I am thankful for. Namely, a reminder that without removing a lot of the dross in my life, there are very few things that I'll be able to properly put in perspective and a huge lack of understanding, and without those two elements comes a lot of senseless missteps.

I've been doing a little reading on the original sin that Adam & Eve committed and I found a few things to be somewhat interesting. In the Bible, the whole event is pretty much explained in a measly 7 verses but apparently volumes of books can be written dissecting the whole ordeal. Of the various topics covered, one that stood out to me the most was the explanation of the purpose behind the placing of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and the decree issued by God to abstain from it. Now, the surface level explanation is something that pretty much everybody knows. It was put there to define their roles of God the Creator and man the creation. That although Adam and Eve were both perfectly made with the highest and purest forms of faculties that can be imagined and they had the Earth in its entirety at their disposal for their own enjoyment, they were still subject to God. But to read pages upon pages of deeper explanations and purposes behind it is what sort of caught my attention. There weren't countless number of additional explanations but extensive information was able to be written about the ones that were made.

One of them was that it wasn't just a show of authority but also a test of trust. It was to teach them to constantly put their physical appetite and desires in check in relation to their reasoning faculty. And that their highest form of satisfaction is not supposed to be founded on any of the physical things around them but in God Himself and God alone. And would they be able to trust God for all of that because there obviously wasn't anything necessarily "evil" about the tree outside the fact that God prohibited it. And it goes on to list a few more and obviously all of them in a lot more detail but they all seem to essentially hinge on God's character, their ability to trust in Him and the relationship b/t the two parties.

What I'm basically getting at is that when I was reading this, it's obvious that they didn't have innately sinful urges like I do that just naturally draw them to things that should not be done. When they were presented with a situation, they would be able to make the decision without being pulled one way or another. They were totally uninhibited. Yet, they still made the blatantly wrong choice. Now, my guess is that it's probably due to the fact they just totally lacked understanding. They didn't fully understand who God was and the situation that God placed them in. They didn't understand that God is freakin' God and that when He tells you not to do something, you just don't do it even if it is based on nothing but Him telling you not to do it because you just don't mess with someone as powerful as Him. Also, when Satan was spewing out lies about God's intentions behind keeping them away from the tree, if they really understood God's character and goodness, they would've been able to brush it off with ease. And if they had even a inkling of understanding of any of this, they probably would not have even put themselves so physically close to something that they knew God did want for them.

So, if these people, these perfect beings were able to slip up so badly all due to a lack of proper understanding of things, then how dangerously important is it for me to fill my life with as much understanding as possible? Because I'm pretty sure that if they were to see and to understand clearly and fully, they probably wouldn't have screwed up the way that they did. Now, I don't really know how much time they had to spend in the Garden to sort of process everything. Interestingly enough, people write that it's probably safe to say that they probably spent less than 48 hours in the Garden in their perfect state. Some say possibly even less than 24 hours. I don't know how much weight to put on that but as for myself, I know that a true and deep understanding of things don't come overnight; especially when it comes to things that are of God. And it's not only a matter of time but it's also a matter of grace. There are so many things that are just way over my head and nothing short of a complete working of the Holy Spirit would ever allow me to grasp certain things and actually learn how to apply it in my life.

But it seems to be increasingly more difficult to give Him my full attention even when I do set aside time for Him. My mind always seems to be elsewhere and my heart in other places as well. And as frustrating as that is it's quite peculiar how God seems to continually augment a desire to know Him. I can't explain it and I don't even understand it, but I am grateful for it. And although I can profess with Paul that I constantly find myself doing the things that I do not want to do and not doing the things that I do wish to do, my gracious and merciful Father is constantly reminding me that He is always on my side and that He's constantly pulling for me to keep progressing towards Him. So, in midst of all the perplexities, frustrations and difficulties, I'm so thankful that God is always giving me reasons to thank Him.

2011-01-07T13:07:00.001-05:00

"No one accidentally becomes Godly."

Random Quotes That Have A Certain Appeal As Of Late

2010-10-24T23:02:00.012-04:00

.
We're flawed because we want so much more. We're ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.
-Don Draper

Why believe the devil instead of believing God? Rise up and realize the truth about yourself, that all the past has gone, and you are one with Christ, and all your sins have been blotted out once and for ever. O let us remember that it is sin to doubt God's Word. It is sin to allow the past, which God has dealt with, to rob us of our joy and our usefulness in the present and in the future.
-Martyn Lloyd-Jones

A depressed Christian is a contradiction in terms, and he is a very poor recommendation for the gospel... Nothing is more important, therefore, than that we should be delivered from a condition which gives other people, looking at us, the impression that to be a Christian means to be unhappy, to be sad, to be morbid, and that the Christian is one who 'scorns delights and lives laborious days.'
-Martyn Lloyd-Jones

If you're lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.
-Owen Meany

Never confuse faith, or belief - of any kind - with something even remotely intellectual.
-Owen Meany

Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things from you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!
-John Wheelwright

It's not God who's fucked up, it's the screamers who say they beleive in Him and who claim to pursue their ends in His holy name.
-John Wheelwright

That's the problem with wishes, they ensnare you.
-David Sedaris

It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.
-Alex

Please don't make me feel what I'm not capable of
-Lan

Jacob, I'm sending down to Egypt.
-Jim Cymbala or God

Sometimes you have to start in the flesh, to end in the Spirit
-Jim Cymbala

Before you make sense of your life, you've got to understand God
-Jim Cymbala

You mean she'd rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?
-Raymond Dufayel

One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from a lack of time.

-John Piper

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
-Woody Paige

I Miss My Friend

2010-09-30T18:21:00.002-04:00

"God helps those who help themselves."

-Harriet Arach

Curious Behavior

2010-09-13T18:24:00.005-04:00

Something that I find to be quite peculiar is the social response/reaction people have when and after dealing with some difficult times in their personal lives. Everybody goes through some crap and misery; some longer than others, but nonetheless an experience shared by all. When that happens, a couple of things seem to take place (at least from what I can tell). One is that you're able to relate to and understand some people that you weren't able to before. You see someone going through some rough patches in their lives that you don't consider to be all that difficult and you sort of criticize the way they're handling themselves in that situation. But once you're faced with a similar situation in your own life, you're able to understand the other person and empathize with them. Another thing that happens is that while you're stuck in the bottom of the barrel somewhere you notice others pouting about their situation when they "clearly" have it "easy." So you see that and you sort of say to yourself, "What the hell is that person whining about?"

But out of the two responses, I feel like the former is a truer realization. I think the latter one is moreso out of frustration of your situation more than anything else. But here's what I find to be really weird. You would think that when you're in that spot where you can finally begin to understand other people a tiny bit better when they're in those difficult moments in life, you would become a more gentle and compassionate person when you come out the other end. But that rarely seems to be the case. What seems to take place is people tend to come out rougher and nastier. You can clearly see that they're living their lives somewhat spitefully and making themselves more comfortable seems to take a higher priority than ever before. They're less willing to put up with crap from other people as their patience virtually evaporates. (Obviously when I say this I'm not speaking for all people but I'm just making generalizations from my observations of other people and learning more about myself as well. )

But why is that? It makes no sense and it's so frustrating to see. Wouldn't you think people would have a greater concern for helping other people out and being more considerate of one another? You would think that as you grow older and mature that would be the case, but it seems that people just become more skilled in masking things and being polite to one another. I don't want to say that digging deep into the Christian doctrines is the only way to be that kind-hearted person after difficult times because it's quite clear that there are countless number of people out there who do exactly that without the Christian faith; and how they do it, I honestly don't know. But personally speaking, seeing that venomous transformation take place in other people and even in myself makes me turn to God more and more. Just on a human level, thinking about all the crap that Jesus had to put up with from people who hated his guts is just mind-boggling b/c let's face it ... we're all frail and if enough people hurl malicious insults your way, it's going to get to you. But not only did he live his life here on earth peacefully and full of love, the Bible tells us to rest assured that because Jesus went through all the difficulties of life, he's able to sympathize with us and that he understands. That just humbles me more and nudges me a step closer to stop trying to do things on my own and as I am.

The more I look around the more I realize people are just jerks. And I'm not saying that to judge anybody because I think the same of myself ... I'm just saying that people are people. And the statement of, "God is not man" seems to ring truer and truer everyday and I grow more thankful of it as well. Now the issue is ... how do I actually become more like Him?

A Prayer That I Hope Could Be Mine One Day

2010-09-11T20:04:00.004-04:00

"Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it will all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I will find delight. Turn my heart towards your statutes, and not towards selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared. Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life according to your righteousness."

-Psalm 119:33-40

David Wilkerson - The Holy Spirit Knows What He Is Doing!

2010-08-04T23:52:00.000-04:00

The Holy Spirit does not perform his work in us in some disjointed, haphazard way. He doesn't exist to simply help us cope with life, to get us through crises and to see us through lonely nights. He isn't there just to pick us up and pump in a little more strength before putting us back into the race.

Everything the Holy Ghost does is related to his reason for coming—to bring us home as a prepared bride. He acts only in keeping with that mission! Yes, he is our Guide, our Comforter, our Strength in time of need. But he uses every act of deliverance—every manifestation of himself in us—to make us more suitable as a bride.

Neither is the Holy Ghost here to just give gifts to the world. No, his every gift has a purpose behind it. The Holy Spirit has only one message: everything he teaches leads to one, central truth. He may shine in us like a many-splendored jewel, but every ray of truth is meant to bring us to a single truth, and it is this:

"You are not your own—you have been bought with a price. You have been chosen to be espoused to Christ. And the Spirit of God has been sent to reveal to you the truth that will set you free from all other loves. Truth will break every bondage to sin and deal with all unbelief. For you are not of this world; you are headed for a glorious meeting with your espoused and are being readied for his marriage supper. All things are now ready and I am preparing you! I want to present you spotless, with a passionate love in your heart for him."

That's the work of the Holy Spirit—to manifest Jesus to the church, so that we will fall in love with him. And that love will keep us!

David Wilkerson - God's Treasure Is In Earthen Vessels

2010-03-13T15:13:00.005-05:00

One of the most encouraging Scriptures in the Bible is 2 Corinthians 4:7: “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” Then Paul goes on to describe those earthen vessels—dying men, troubled on every side, perplexed, persecuted, cast down. And even though never forsaken or in despair, those men being used by God are constantly under the burden of their bodies, waiting anxiously to be clothed with new ones.

God mocks man’s power. He laughs at our egotistical efforts at being good. He never uses the high and mighty but, instead, uses the weak things of this world to confound the wise.

“For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And the base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not…that no flesh should glory in his presence” (1 Corinthians 1:26-29).

Does that ever describe me! Weak thing—foolish thing—despised thing—a base thing—not very noble—not very smart. Yet that is his perfect plan—the greatest mystery on earth. God calls us in our weakness. He puts his priceless treasure in these earthen vessels of ours because he delights in doing the impossible with nothing.

I saw Israel Narvaez, former Mau Mau gang leader, kneel and receive Christ as Lord. It was not just an emotional surface experience—he really meant it. But Israel went back to the gang and ended up in prison, an accessory to murder. Did God quit on him? Not for one moment! Today Israel is a minister of the gospel, having accepted the love and forgiveness of a longsuffering Savior.

Have you failed? Is there a sin that so easily besets you? Do you feel like a weakened coward, unable to get the victory over secret sin? But with that weakness in you, is there also a hunger for God? Do you yearn for him—love him—reach to him? That hunger and thirst is the key to your victory. That makes you different from all the others who have been guilty of failing God. That sets you apart. You must keep that hunger alive. Keep thirsting after righteousness. Never justify your weakness—never give in to it—and never accept it as a part of your life.

David Wilkerson - They Had the Life and the Light

2010-03-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

The church of Jesus Christ lacks spiritual authority in society because it lacks spirituality.

Why are our government leaders and the media so condescending to Christians? Why has the church lost all meaning and purpose in the world’s eyes? Why have young people written off Christianity as totally irrelevant to their lives?

It’s because, for the most part, the church is no longer a light. Christ isn’t ruling in our society because he doesn’t reign in our lives. As I look around today, I see few in God’s house who are truly in union with Christ. There is so little fellowship with heaven. And few ministers refuse worldly methods to trust God for their direction. We have lost our light because we have lost Christ’s life. For God’s authority to have any impact, it must be lived out in yielded, obedient vessels.

Consider the kingdom of Babylon during the time of Nebuchadnezzar. This was the mightiest empire on earth. Daniel prophesied that every succeeding king would be inferior, less powerful, less influential. Why? Because Nebuchadnezzar was not the real ruler in Babylon. The power behind the empire wasn’t in the golden statue he erected. No, Babylon’s authority rested in the hands of a small group of God-possessed men. The Lord had set up a secret, heavenly government and it was ruled by Daniel and the three Hebrew children. These men were God’s governing instruments, because they operated in the heavenly realm. They refused to have anything to do with the world system. Instead, they shut themselves in with God.

As a result, these holy men knew the times. They could tell the people what God was up to at any given time. They were bright, shining lights to the whole nation, because they had the life of God within them.

In 2 Kings 6, we read of Syria making war against Israel. During this conflict, the prophet Elisha sat at home communing with the Lord. This man was God’s secret government, and he ruled with authority. Elisha heard from the Lord, and sent messages to Israel’s king, warning him of every move the Syrian army made.

When the Syrian king found out about Elisha’s thwarting messages, he surrounded the prophet’s hometown with a battalion of troops. But God blinded the Syrians, and Elisha ended up leading them captive into the Israelites’ camp. Elisha had the light—and he knew Satan’s every move—because he had the life.

Molding

2010-03-01T16:32:00.003-05:00

Everybody fails. In one way or another and to one degree or another, everybody tastes the bitterness and sadness of failure. And the longer you live (not that I have lived a long time or anything) you just experience more failures as you go along. So one thing that I've noticed is that as people get more years under their belts, they seem a lot less optimistic and excited about life. I guess part of it has to do with understanding things a bit more and developing a more realistic view on things, but I personally believe a lot of it also has to do with the fatigue and disappointments as a result of the accumulating failures. But one particular way in which I think experiencing failures has an effect on people is that they tend to become more calloused. People seem to get a bit rougher around the edges and a lot less willing to be open and honest with one another. At the same time, everything becomes a bit of a drag because it's hard for them to genuinely partake in celebrating other people's successes either because of jealousy and/or it accentuates their own failures.

Now, I think it varies immensely for different people. If you "fail," in an area where you frankly don't care about, then I guess it really has no affect on you whatsoever. And even if you fail in an area that you deeply care about, if it's a little hiccup rather than a complete meltdown, then I guess most people are able to brush it off and continue making progress. But even in that, I think it's different. Some people are just naturally able to handle a lot more things on their plates. Some can fail a million times yet keep going. Others have just a few slips and then get really down on themselves. So I guess it's all different depending on the person. I don't even know why I just said this.

But one reason I'm saying this is because I don't want to get like that, you know? If you keep allowing failures to have such a negative effect on you, it's just going to become progressively harder for you to be someone that is going to be able to help those around you. And I honestly don't know how people who don't believe in Christ are able to do it, but I dream of being a person who goes through a crapload of struggles and failures and come out at the end of it all more compassionate, more tender, more pure and more excited about life than when I first started. In my opinion, there's no way you can really do that unless you hold onto Jesus through those rough times and allow Him to protect your heart and mind and to mold it in such a beautiful way through all those struggles.

And I'm really thankful for the failures that I've experienced through my lifetime thus far. Although, if I can have it my way, I'd go back in time and try with all my might to avoid those failures, I am truly thankful. Now, if you're a person that's ever fallen flat on your face in a way that sort of cripples you, you know that there are few people that truly understand that place that you're at. Granted, there are those who, either out of the kindness of their hearts or just a desire to be relevant, try to relate to you during those times. But there's quite a stark difference between conversations with someone who has been through rough times similar to yours and those who sort of cruised through life and are trying to be nice. There is absolutely no way a person who did not experience struggles and failures firsthand to truly understand you. (I mean, maybe someone who consciously made an effort to spend a countless number of hours being around people who've been through rough times and actually worked on trying to understand them ... I guess somewhat of a counselor ... but that's super freakin' rare.) But something that I feel I have sort of learned (for now at least ... because who knows, I might find out I'm really wrong somewhere down the line) is that if you've been through some rough times, that feeling while you're at the bottom is pretty universal. And for the most part, experiencing difficult times in other specific ways only help you to be able to offer better practical advice for others in the same situation. So, I feel like once you kind of hit what seems to be rock bottom in one area of your life, you're able to understand so many more people that you initially imagined. And when you see some people act the way they do, not in every way, but in a lot ways you're able to understand them and actually feel for them.

I'm not even entirely sure why I'm saying this ... I guess I'm just bored. But one thing I believe is certain. Everybody needs help. Now some people go through so many things in life that you can't even understand how they get through it so it's easy to feel for them ... almost everybody can feel for them. But there are those who seem to have easy lives, yet even they go through hard times. And it's easy as hell to just brush those people's problems off but again, that feeling is pretty universal I feel and different people just have different thresholds. So even if it's just a string of "petty" difficulties or a couple of colossal ones, people generally get affected.

So, I hope in some ways and not in others, to experience a lot of difficult things in life. I know that up until now and until the day I die, there's going to be a mix of rough times despite doing everything right and rough times as a result of my own failures, and I definitely do think there is a difference between the two and you just have to own up to your own faults and deal with them in some ways, but I also firmly believe in God's sovereignty and that He could easily have stopped me from committing those failures if He thought it be best for me. So in whatever form it comes, I think that going through hard times is a good thing ... especially if you hold onto God and allow Him to shape you during those times ... because I believe you'll end up being someone who can help and understand so many more people than if you never have.

Pretty Sick Of It

2010-01-17T02:43:00.009-05:00

One extremely saddening sight to witness is seeing the slow deterioration of the spiritual life of those around you; and of yours as well. Whatever the reason or cause may be, people are becoming more and more busy. Most of it is due to work and with whatever free time is left afterwards, most of it is spent just trying to rest up or being ambitious in trying to experience new things and pick up new hobbies. And that's how it's supposed to be, right? When else are you supposed to try new things and visit places that you've always wanted to see?

But at the same time, it's undeniable that God is becoming more and more of a marginal part in most people's lives; some sort of superficial accessory. I'm sure that if you bring up the topic of traveling to other countries or trying out upscale restaurants or anything else along those lines, you can probably engage in hours of conversations with a wide range of people. But if you were to bring up God in the conversation, I'd give it 5 ... 10 minutes max until the conversation completely dies out. And if it does last longer than that, it's mostly empty blabbering that's not even worth having. I don't think this is the case because people don't want to talk about it or that they feel uncomfortable, it's just that there's not much to talk about. Nobody's really reading their Bibles on a daily basis and engaging in any serious prayer. Nobody is really allowing their relationship with God to steer the way they're living their lives. Actually, nobody is even really taking part in a relationship with God. As cliched as it may be, God is honestly part of a religion to most people, rather than being an actual living God that you can engage with every moment of the day.

I guess my point is that I see how the lives of Christians, especially those around my age, are being affected by the regression of their spiritual lives and it's so sad. The innocence and purity in people's lives are progressively disappearing. Nobody is really living lives worth emulating or respecting. I only say this and feel I am able to identify this in part because I sense the same degradation in my own life and it's unbelievably frustrating. And I can only believe that most of the Christians who are living as pitiful lives as I am feel the same unbearable discontentment.

One thing that drives me nuts is when I meet and think about people who are struggling in ways in which I can actually offer help in alleviating their suffering and struggles, I have such a minuscule amount of genuine concern. I've only been back from Uganda for about a month now and I know the situation there. I've spent 3 months with impoverished people who are dying of diseases that can be easily treated. I've lived with missionaries who sacrifice so much and live such humble lives. Yet, now that I'm back home, it's so easy to forget about all of that. I hate how when situations that God's compassionate heart is burning for is presented before me, I don't act because my heart is so out of tune with His. I only have such a superficial knowledge of His will and heart. I know that He loves and cares for the poor and is aching to see them treated and cared for, especially by His own children. Yet, I care and do nothing for them. I know that nothing can please Him more than for His children to go out and pour themselves out in efforts to help bring an unsaved soul to accept Christ, yet I don't do a single thing about it.

What use is my belief in God if it doesn't bring about a single change in my life? How real can my belief in Him be? One thing that I got to learn in Uganda is that there are no shortcuts. I was blessed with an immense amount of time to just read and pray. In doing so, I felt my heart soften up tremendously. There was nothing "spiritual" about it. I just felt my heart become more tender and my realization that God is a living God intensify. But when I got back home, my time in the Word dropped dramatically and praying became so much harder. And in just a short month's time, I feel my heart so calloused already. And I know that's how so many people feel right now. And even though I don't want to go another day feeling like this, I don't actually do anything about it ... so another day goes by and then another and another.

But thank God that He's still in control of my life and that I can honestly trust Him to complete in me the work that He has started. I screw up colossally every single day but I know the second I turn to Him, He'll get me back up on my feet and we'll continue as if we never skipped a beat. I hate the direction that my generation is headed towards and I hate that I actually want to head in that same direction. But I'm already 24 and accomplished nothing. As simplistic and childish as it may sound, the only thing I want to accomplish anymore is just to live everyday in a way in which I know God is happy with me. I know that if I do that, my God will do great things and help so many people that are in dire need of help that only He can provide and He'll make sure that I get front row seats to see how awesome He is.

Hmm ...

2009-05-09T18:47:00.004-04:00

Growing up in a church your whole life you become pretty familiar with the teachings of Christianity. You are well taught about who God is, what salvation is and what you're life in response to all of it should look like. All in all, you're taught that it's a fairly simple belief and that the lessons to be learned in Christianity are simple but hard. This is what I've been taught and this is what I taught others as well.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't know a damn lick of what any of this stuff means. I've talked about the love of God to so many people, but honestly, I don't know what the love of God is. I know what it's, "supposed," to look like and feel and, to a certain degree, the effect that it's supposed to have on me. If you're to relate it to some tangible relationship, I guess a good illustration would be a relationship you have with your parent or a spouse (or what I think a relationship with a spouse should look like). It's not called love because the lovey dovey feelings are always there, although they do show up once in a while, but rather it's because you care deeply for one another and you commit yourselves to one another. In some sense, that's how it's supposed to be between God and me, right? But seriously, the idea that you can have a deep relationship with a Spirit is pretty insane. It's one thing to believe that there's a god up there who somehow got a book of rules down to us and we have to follow it, but it's a whole different story when you're told that you can have a relationship with that god right here and right now.

And the fact that so many of us talk about it so confidently just boggles my mind, as if it's just a bunch of simple x's and o's that need to be covered and then just like that we know all there is to know about this God-being and the type of relationship we're supposed to have with Him. It just doesn't make sense. If so many of us have "experienced," the love that the God Almighty has for us, how can it be so hard for us to swallow our pride and live selflessly? I understand that we're sinners, but it doesn't make sense. I freakin' love sports. As a result, I read so many blogs about it, watch so many damn games, follow so many freakin' tedious stats and so on. But it's all so enjoyable to me. If you tell me to do that much for something else that I don't like, I'll be like hell no! Those acts in an of themselves suck, but because it's all related to sports, it's all enjoyable. Isn't that how it's sort of supposed to be with our relationship with God? Dying to ourselves? That freakin' blows! But since doing that brings us closer to God, the very same being who showered us with this amazing love that we claim to have experienced, shouldn't we love doing it? But that doesn't happen. You don't see that.

It all sounds good in theory, but how is it actually carried out? How do you actually have a relationship with this God whom you cannot see? I think so much of my belief is based on what I've been taught and not on what I have learned on my own through the Bible. I've listened to a million sermons by countless number of pastors. If not my own pastor at church, then I sit and stream so many pastors around the country and read so many missionary stories and read so many freakin' books. But the Bible, yea, I don't read it nearly as much as I invest myself in other sources of information regarding God. As good as those things are, they cannot replace the Bible. Honestly, how do I know that those people preaching aren't just preaching theory? How do I know that they have truly tasted the love of God for themselves? I can't. And to be honest, I don't like reading the Bible all that much. It's so confusing! And it's so different from what I'm taught by people. There are so many events in the Bible that just don't make any sense and it definitely doesn't portray God to be the all-loving God that we're always taught.

Well, I'm just tired of typing so I'm going to end here, but this is all so frustrating. And it's weird as hell. The more I try to understand things, the more frustrated I get and the more I questions I have with no answers, yet, I know that I still need it and a deep and huge part of me wants it so badly.

Suxors

2009-04-18T17:59:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, being constantly loved and cared about can feel burdensome and you just want to be ignored ... but not really.

George Bowen

2009-03-10T01:21:00.003-04:00

You, entertaining a certain conception of the Spirit, ask for the Spirit and suppose that His influences will all correspond with a conception that you have formed. You expect Him, for instance, to be to you a spirit of consolation, and compass you about with the ambrosial airs of paradise. You understand that He is to lift you into a supermundane ethereal sphere where poetic visions of the islands of the blessed shall come flashing upon you upon the right hand and upon the left.

But the Spirit is Truth and He must come in His true character or not at all. You have solicited His ministrations and they are not withheld. But how surprised you are when He takes you by the hand and you prepare for a rapturous ascent into the Empyrean to find that He has taken you by the hand for the purpose of conducting you down into some deep, dark dungeon-like chambers of imagery. In vain you shudder and draw back. You only discover thereby what an iron grasp He has. He bids you look upon those hideous images and observe how they body forth the great features of your past life.

One abominable statue is named selfishness and its lofty pedestal is completely carved with inscriptions of dates. You look at these dates - your Guide constrains you to - and you are appalled to find that what you regarded as the most beautiful and most consecrated hours of your past life are there; even there. There is a repulsive image called covetousness, and you say boldly, Sure I am that no date of mine is there inscribed. Alas, there are many, and some that you thought golden connecting you with heaven - anger, wrath, malice, see how the odious monsters seem to wink at you from their seats as at a well-known comrade; how the picture of your past life is made ugly on their pedestals. You have looked unbelief in the face, and frowning tell him that you know him not. Whatever your faults you have never been an unbeliever. The Spirit constrains you to observe that unbelief claims, and justly claims, the whole of your past life.

A profound humiliation and a piercing sorrow possess your heart. At least you say, standing opposite the image of falsehood, I am no liar, I hate all falsehood with a perfect hatred. The Spirit of God points you to the fatal evidence. You examine the dates and you see that some of them refer even to your seasons of prayer. At length, altogether humbled, dispirited and conscience-stricken you acknowledge that here in these damp subterranean galleries, and in the midst of these abominable images is your true home. You remember with shame the ideas with which you have greeted the Spirit, and you fall at His feet confessing all your folly. There does He raise you and lead you into the open air beneath the blessed canopy of heaven, and you find a chariot in which you may unforbidden take your place beside the Spirit and visit the places of joy that are above the earth.

Child of God

2009-03-02T01:33:00.004-05:00

If you truly confess with your mouth and believe and trust with all your heart that the Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins and rose again to conquer death, then that is evidence that you are a child of God. You are a child of God because God called you His child. So if you're a Christian, hold onto that truth with all your might and don't let anything ever shake you in such a way that you become doubtful or unable to believe it! Stop looking at your past and all the heinous sins you've committed. Stop putting your entire focus on the present filth that you're drenched in. But know that it was by grace that you were called and it is by grace that you live and it is by grace that you will continue to live. So whatever mess you're in right now, don't try to clean yourself off by yourself and then come to God in a more presentable manner. But rather, trust in God's grace for Him to cleanse you. The gospel truth is not that you're redeemed because you believe in Jesus Christ, but because you are redeemed you are able to believe and are saved and cleansed through Jesus in order that you will be able to live a life free of sin. So your ability to live a certain life has nothing to do with your identity as being a child of God so don't ever let anything cause you to doubt who you are in Christ.

And since you are a child of God, approach Him with full confidence. Expect great things from Him! Cling onto Him and wrestle with Him like Jacob did and don't ever let go until you get blessed by Him!

1 Samuel 12:20-22

2009-02-20T23:54:00.001-05:00

And Samuel said to the people, "Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself."

I Wonder...

2008-12-01T22:13:00.003-05:00

Something that I've always wondered about and always wished that I had an opportunity to do was to sneak a peak into the hearts and minds of incredibly faithful people. People such as Paul and Peter and even Jesus. When Paul talks about how he pours out his heart and lives his life as a drink offering for the sake of the gospel and how he gave all of himself for his fellow brothers and sisters, I wonder what that felt like. Because I know that for me there are times when I do feel like I just pour all of myself out in a certain situation for a certain task or a certain person. I honestly feel like there was nothing else I had left to give. Yet, if I were to look back on those times in a few months or years, I find myself frequently saying, "Man, I basically did nothing. I could've done so much more." Did Paul ever feel like that after saying he poured himself out completely?

Also, were they constantly giving all of themselves over to the gospel in every situation? So often, I know the task that lies ahead. I know what needs to be done or at least, what should be done. But I feel like, my life is a life full of failures. I am never able to complete the task given to me in a refreshingly thorough fashion. For most of them, I can honestly say that even while I was carrying out those tasks, that I knew I could've given more. But is the reason that I fail because I failed to give all of myself? Because quite frankly, I don't know if I'd ever be able to do that. I'm just such a sinful person. There's too many things going on in my heart and mind that are driving me in every possible direction and I'm constantly caving in and giving in to so many of my selfish and sinful desires. I wonder what Paul and Peter's hearts were like when they were living out their lives. How strong were their faiths? Of course they had so many trials and tribulations, but what were their hearts like? Were they able to flush everything out and focus solely on Jesus? How many times were they preaching and serving and thinking at the same time that they could give more but didn't?

I'm not questioning or doubting God's Word or capabilities or faithfulness. If I fail, it's because of me. If things go wrong, it's because I didn't search God's heart hard enough to find out what He really wants me to do before acting. What I am wondering, however, is how in the world can I ever be like that? How can I give myself entirely to Jesus and completely pour myself out for others? When and how are these desires actually going to take form and become the way I live; from the inside out? I honestly want to know the struggles of those who lived their lives completely for God.

Grace

2008-11-24T15:09:00.003-05:00

Sooner or later, you're going to realize that everything you touch is going to eventually rot because you haven't the slightest idea on how to live this life here on earth. In the process, you have slight glimpses of this realization and you think to yourself, "Hmm ... I better start changing the way I do things before things get really out of hand," yet, you allow weeks, months, years to pass without changing a single thing about yourself or the way you do things. Then things just completely fall apart and you feel like a fool for being so lazy and arrogant. But somehow, God pulls you through it and you swear to change. Yet, in a couple of weeks, you find yourself doing the same things as before. So how do you actually start living out, "change," and what is it that keeps us from doing it? Is it pride? Laziness? Fear? Ignorance?

I have no idea, but what I do know is that we, as people, are completely powerless and that we have absolutely no control over anything in this life, no matter how small certain things seem to be. So, the quicker one is able to become desperately dependent upon grace and grace alone, the more blessed that individual will be. But how?

To Trust In The Lord

2008-11-19T13:39:00.003-05:00

How do you really trust in the Lord completely? How do you allow Him to guide you in your day-to-day living? How do you decipher between a false sense of security and true Godly peace? How do you know when to say, "OK, I think God is telling me that this door is closed and I should change direction," or, "I need to keep pressing on?" I think your emotions are probably the last place to look for answers because your emotions are always playing tricks on you. Even your logic isn't the right place to look because God works against human logic so many times. So how do you apply the Word of God to your decision making for tomorrow?

I guess these are the same questions many unbelievers have when they look at Christianity; that it's an outdated and impractical religion. They think it's a good religion for teaching morals and values but useless for the everyday problems and events in their lives. And I guess it doesn't help when they ask Christians how Christianity is relevant in today's world and so many us give them the most generic Sunday school answers.

I think it's because many of us who call ourselves Christians fail to address the problems that we have in our own lives in a biblical fashion. We use Christian terminology and phrases but in our hearts, we really don't know how to listen to and trust God in a practical, everyday way. So if we ever go through rough patches in our lives where we ourselves are forced to ask the very same questions that unbelievers are asking, we should very much consider it a blessing. We should pray that God actually does show us how to see the Bible as the living words of God and how it is that we are to have a real, intimate relationship with an invisible God. So that if we are ever asked those very questions by unbelievers, which most definitely will happen, we could give them honest and real answers so that we could give a real depiction of who Jesus is to them; not just lame textbook answers that are irrelevant.

God's love cannot be matched by anyone or anything and His wisdom is infinitely beyond us. And He is our Father.

Precious Words of God

2008-10-09T16:55:00.003-04:00

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

- 2 Peter 1:3-11

Selfishness

2008-09-24T01:12:00.003-04:00

There is so much that needs to be done in this world. There are so many people who need help, not just physically but emotionally, spiritually and mentally. There's so much love that needs to spread and people who need to be touched by it. This is such a hurting world and God loves it so much and wants to help so badly. That very heart of God that is just bursting with an uncontrollable desire to love and to help others is the heart that God has placed in every single one of His children. We Christians all have that heart. Yet, we rarely ever look at this world through the eyes of that God-given heart. We're so encapsulated with our own affairs and our own troubles and worries that it's such a rare occurrence for us to truly take notice of others around us like Christ did. Sure, we care for others and we are pretty hospitable but only to a certain well-defined degree. We all have a certain threshold for how far we would go to help others and to make other people's worries our worries. That's because the desire of God is alive in us and is guiding us in that direction but we're constantly fighting it so we're still seeing everything through such a self-centered lens. So as we take a step forward in helping others, we're still tightly holding onto ourselves making sure we don't stray too far.

In doing so, we're voluntarily imprisoning ourselves to this life of such meaningless pursuit. When we do actually make sacrifices and go totally out of our way to help others there most definitely does arise in us a certain unparalleled satisfaction and joy. When we actually put aside our complaints and whines to God and start whole-heartedly praying for others, there is a bolt of rejuvenation and joy that is deeply more satisfying than just spending the entire time on ourselves. Yet, we still deliberately choose to focus more on ourselves than to live for others. Why is that? Why is that we actually do taste and see and feel the fruits of selflessness and servitude, confess that it is better than a life lived for our own selfish gain, yet keep going back to a self-centered life? It's such a retarded cycle and we long to break free from it but it seems like no matter how hard we try, we're always failing to completely break free. But then we read verses in the Bible telling us that we are completely free from all sin and selfishness and that we are completely free to live a life wholly for God. So what's the deal? The Bible certainly can't be wrong. But why isn't it true in my life?

Honestly, I don't completely know. I struggle so much with that. Why am I not living out the freedom that I know I have? Why do I feel so enslaved to sin when the Bible clearly states that I am no longer a slave to sin. In my heart I want to do good because God placed that desire in my heart, yet I continue to do evil. Isn't that what defines slavery?

But one thing that I have been learning lately has helped me a lot. It's such a baby lesson but it does indeed help immensely. Something that has made me constantly fall back into the same ridiculous sins over and over again was my mindset and outlook on things. I would look at what the world considers pleasures and realize that for the most part, those were the same pleasures in my own heart. The greed, self-rightouessness, sexual immorality, laziness, money, etc. And then I looked at the Bible and the standards that God set before Christians for us to live by and it all seemed like restrictions. As you read through each one, you sort of have this feeling of, "Oh man, I can't do that? What? I can't do that either? That also?" And it seems like it's all putting boundaries on my life. So I look ahead at my life and feel so overwhelmed because all the things that God said that I can't do but I want to do, are always going to be going on around me. How in the world can I live a life that successfully resists all of those temptations when I'm constantly being bombarded by them? It's impossible!

But I've realized that I'm sitting here in such gloom and discouragement because I'm just standing here looking at what I have to give up and not aware in the slightest bit why God is telling me to give these things up. I'm certain that if any of those things were the best things for me or most pleasureable, God certainly would not take it away from me. But He's telling me to give them up because there are better things to be lived for and to be had. If He tells me to give up all luxuries on this earth, it's because He has greater treasures for me stored up in Heaven so He doens't want me wasting my time with this nonsense. If He's telling me to abstain from sexual immorality, it's because purity is much more desirable and precious, and so on and so on. So when I feel like Christianity it putting a stronghold on me and restricting me from so many pleasureable, I must be aware that I only feel like that because my heart is not aligned with God. I must desire the things that He desires and realize that the things that He desires of me are the very best things and nothing can compare to them. So if He says that purity is far more worth it but everything inside of me tells me otherwise, I need to get on my knees and ask Him to change my heart so that purity becomes a desired treasure of my heart. Same with money or laziness or comforts or anything else. Then, I'd gladly throw away the things of this earth and run head on to the things that God tells me to, knowing that God is trustworthy.

But this can only be done if we dare to take our eyes off of ourselves and look to God and do whatever it is that He tells us to do. Whatever it is. At first it seems so painful and so burdensome, but we need to have faith that God is telling us to do so because there are far better things in store. But do we trust God enough?

What A Shame...

2008-09-11T00:40:00.004-04:00

You know what's pretty sad? All non-Christians are basically idol worshipers. They either worship their jobs, their relationships, money, comfort, sex, fame, etc. But I guess what it all comes down to in the end is that they are a worshiper of themselves so they do whatever it is that most satisfies them at the present moment. Their object(s) of worship, however, are not real. I mean they're real as in they're tangible and attainable but none of it is truly God. None of it is something that can love them back or protect them or talk back to them. None of them has consciousness or vitality of any sort. It's a delusion. Yet, they serve their gods so faithfully.

What about me though? My God is absolutely real. He is living and all-powerful and all-knowing and infinitely loving and caring. Yet, I serve Him so poorly and faithlessly. It doesn't quite make sense. It's actually quite a shame and an embarrassment, to say the least. And I honestly don't know why it's like that. If I truly believe God to be absolutely real, then why don't I constantly live a life that reflects that belief?

What got me thinking about this was what I assume to be an age-old complaint in the life of almost every Christian: why do so many non-Christians seem to be having it so good and I'm stuck over here in what seems like a horrible mess or a less than ideal situation? Then I realized, accurate or not, that it's because they serve their gods faithfully. They invest all that they have into their gods so it's only fair that they reap the benefits of their efforts. I, on the other hand, am such a sluggard. I don't know in which direction to go. One day I'm serving God, the next myself, the next something else. I spread myself out so thin so of course I'll get crap as my return. But when that happens, I feel like I got cheated, like life is unfair. I say to God, "C'mon God! Give me a break! Look at that guy over there! He's got everything and He's going around everywhere saying you don't exist! But I'm constantly serving you and what do I have to show for it?" But in actuality, I barely served Him. I barely ever went out on a limb for the sake of God's name. I do whatever I want 99% of the time but when things fall apart, I so quickly think that I somehow deserve better when I honestly never put much effort into anything.

What I'm realizing more and more is that it is truly by God's grace and His unquestionable and unfading love for me that I am sometimes left with nothing but crap on my plate. Otherwise, I'd keep walking down the same road with the same attitude never stopping once to ever consider that something isn't right. I think for the most part, whatever god(s) or God you serve gives you a return. The difference is where it all leads you in the end. For non-Christians, their gods will faithfully serve them during this lifetime. If prestige is their god, then they'll most likely pour all that they have into that god and most likely they'll get it in some form or another. If it's money, then it's money. But in the end, all those things pass away and those gods can't save them. God knows this, of course. So when I get all glitter-eyed about stupid stuff and spread myself thin trying to devour all the goods of this world, He won't let me. He'll do whatever it takes to get my eyes off of them and set on Him, because He alone is real and can love me back and He alone can save me. And He doesn't want me to invest my time and energy in all these other gods. As it says in the Bible, you reap what you sow. He wants me to invest all that I am into this relationship with Him. The more of myself I put into it, the more I get out of it. Of course God is all sovereign and if He wanted to, He can inject a full load of intimacy into my heart in a nanosecond. But He doesn't work that way because He chooses not to work that way. He wants it to be a real relationship. He wants me to dig for Him and to search for Him like priceless treasure. Because the harder I seek and the digger I deep, the bigger my return which is a more intimate relationship with Him.

And this is a real relationship. So what a shame, huh? What a freakin' shame that I put so little of myself into a relationship that is 100% guaranteed to work. But thankfully, God is a God who loves mercy. He loves giving me a fresh start every single time I ask for one. So, with that ... here we go again!

The Cross

2008-08-29T12:39:00.003-04:00

I think we as people tend to overcomplicate almost everything we do. We bring in too many variables into the equation that ultimately really don't matter. I don't know why we do it. It might be because deep down inside we really know the truth, but we don't really want to face it so we just pile on all this excess stuff to "justify" the things we do or don't do and that we can be guilt-free about it. Or maybe it's because we don't know the truth so we try to look at it from every angle possible trying to make sure we have every hole properly plugged. Maybe a mix of both? Maybe something else? I'm no psychologist so I honestly don't know. But I do think that I can say with a certain degree of confidence that we overcomplicate things.

If the decisions we make in life and our thought processes are often overcomplicated, then certainly it affects our mindset and heart when it comes to God and our respective walks with Him. I don't doubt that every single Christian has a deep longing to live radical lives for Christ and to just be drenched in intimacy with Him. It might not show outwardly, but deep in every Christian's heart that desire does exist. So what differentiates a person who lives radically and all out for Christ and those that just are constantly living in defeat and struggling just to hold onto the idea that God exists? Verbally, we'd all say that the answer lies not in the individual. We'd say that in the kingdom of Heaven, it doesn't make a difference whether you're born smart or dumb, weak or strong, healthy or sick, or anything else. It's God and God alone who works in a person to shape them or mold them. Which is absolutely true. Absolutely. Yet, what's the real answer that we give in our hearts? We would constantly look at someone and say, "Man, that guy/girl has a lot of faith. I wish I could be as strong as them or as bold as them, etc." And then we look at ourselves and see that we lack whatever it is that they have or look at our circumstances and realize that we really don't have what it takes. We overcomplicate things with superficial stuff. Meaningless things.

Trustworthy indications of real maturation lies in how big the cross is in someone's heart. For some reason, the longer we attend church, the smaller the cross usually gets. We become lost in all the extracurricular stuff of Christianity and slowly lose sight of the cross. We start becoming overwhelmed with all the things that we have to do to show our love for Christ that it becomes burdensome. As we're doing this, of course we are constantly sinning and those sins start to pile on and become very weighty. Then what used to be a sprint to the feet of Jesus for repentance slowly becomes a crawl and sooner or later, we're too ashamed to come before Him to ask forgiveness for the same sins over and over again. The cross just keeps getting smaller and smaller. We must remember, that it was God who died on the cross. Not just any joe shmoe. God Himself died on the cross. And when God does something, He does it to completion for all of eternity. His grace doesn't ever deplete or run dry. What should be happening is that we realize more and more how wicked we are and look to Christ and realize that although we're just slowly discovering this more and more now, that Christ knew all of this well before He created us. And the more we live life, we're just going to discover that we are more wicked that we thought we were yesterday. But the more our knowledge of our own wickedness increases, the more God's grace and love for us should grow ... and that should lead us to rejoicing and praising of His name. To sulk and be downcast about our wickedness and being so timid to approach God to ask for forgiveness is making a mockery of the cross and belittling Jesus.

Remember, God Himself said with His own mouth that the greatest commandments are to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all you strength and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. God is a God of love. Not of reprimand or punishment, but a God of infinite love. So let's try more and more everday to become increasingly more intimate with God ... and you can't get closer to His heart than the cross, which was the greatest display of love that can ever be shown.

I Don't Get It

2008-08-26T15:10:00.002-04:00

How is it that God has no beginning? I can understand that God will always be and always continue to exist for all of eternity and so will we ... I mean that's pretty unfathomable also, but you can sort of comprehend that a little bit. But to have no beginning? That's just nuts.

It's All About Grace

2008-08-18T01:40:00.003-04:00

Let's never forget grace. Never ever ever! If you have been a Christian for any length of time, it is certain that you have gotten lost, at least for brief moments, doing things just out of habit or obligation or whatever. But all that matters in the end is that God loves us. That's it. Period. And we must never forget what state we were in when God first fell madly in love with us. We were utterly wicked to the max degree with God nowhere to be found in our hearts or on our minds. Yet, for some reason, as we grow along as Christians, we begin to develop this need or desire to give to God as a means through which we prove something to Him or as an obligation to Him. Like Paul says in the Bible, what is it that we have that we did not receive? And what do we think that God had on His mind when He chose to love us? Nowhere on His mind did He ever think of what He could gain through our lives. He has nothing to gain from us. He just wanted to show His love to us. That's grace. Yet, the more we "mature," the less we want to receive and the more we want to earn. The more we do that, the colder our hearts grow and the more joyless our life becomes as we become overburdened with this constant need to prove prove prove and earn earn earn. Which is honestly a most meaningless and most foolish path to ever engage in. For we don't have the ability to prove or earn an ounce of love from God's infinitely deep ocean of love. So if we ever find ourselves in a place of habit or duty or joylessness in serving our Lord, let's ask for mercy for wisdom to drop everything that is ultimately meaningless and do everything in order to rekindle our love for Christ by reminding us of God's grace.

There Is Pain In The Offering

2008-07-23T22:44:00.005-04:00

I don't know if there is a more agonizing process than the one a Christian must endure in order to fully die to one's self and to everything in this world. From Oswald Chambers' My Utmost For His Highest:

The Death Side. In sanctification God has to deal with us on the death side as well as on the life side. Many of us spend so much time in the place of death that we get sepulchral. There is always a battle royal before sanctification, always something that tugs with resentment against the demands of Jesus Christ. Immediately the Spirit of God begins to show us what sanctification means, the struggle begins. "If any man come to Me and hate not...his own life, he cannot be My disciple."
The Spirit of God in the process of sanctification will strip me until I am nothing but "myself," that is the place of death. Am I willing to be "myself," and nothing more - no friends, no father, no brother, no self-interest - simply ready for death? That is the condition of sanctification. No wonder Jesus said: "I came not to send peace, but a sword." This is where the battle comes, and where so many of us faint. We refuse to be identified with the death of Jesus on this point. "But it is so stern," we say; "He cannot wish me to do that." Our Lord is stern; and He does wish us to do that.
Am I willing to reduce myself simply to "me," determinedly to strip myself of all my friends and what they think of me, of all I think of myself, and to hand that simple naked self over to God? Immediately as I am, He will sanctify me wholly, and my life will be free from earnestness in connection with everything but God.
When I pray - "Lord, show me what sanctification means for me," He will show me. It means being made one with Jesus. Sanctification is not something Jesus Christ puts into me: it is Himself in me (1 Cor. 1:30).

It is a process that I long to go through, continually, in order that every inclination of my heart may be wholly focused onto God...but it is a process that I cannot bear. The suffering, the shame, the pain, the demand - it's all too much. Without a doubt, God knows me like none other. He knows the deepest parts of my heart and it is all laid bare before Him. Things that I myself was never aware of, God sees. And when He surfaces those things and brings them to my notice and asks of me to hand it on over to Him, I cannot. I simply do not have the strength or desire to die to all things. But thanks be to God that it is not up to me. The Spirit of God is living within me and my God is a jealous God and He will have victory in me because He will finish what He has started. So to Him I cling and in Him I trust. All these things will pass and I will be more intimate with my Lord. Not enough can be said about how good my God is.

Freedom

2008-07-22T17:17:00.002-04:00

I'm sure that most people are familiar with the story of Moses and the 10 plagues. As I was reading up on it, however, something stood out to me. Before almost every plague occurred, Moses and Pharaoh engaged in a conversation and in almost all of those conversations, Moses starts out by telling Pharaoh something that God told him to say. Almost every time the conversations started out with, "This is what the Lord, the God of the Hebrews, says: 'Let my people go, so that they may worship me...'" So from that, the very purpose of God freeing His people seems to be so that they can worship Him. At first, that seemed a bit strange to me, but then I realized it's only because I'm so stupid.

Do I understand what freedom really means to a Christian? Apparently not. It's such a fundamental truth in the life of a Christian, but I truly believe that the ability to live joyfully, powerfully and firmly in faith in Jesus Christ lies heavily on whether or not you truly grasp this truth. Jesus died on the cross and resurrected from the grave for our sins, so that through Him we are justified and saved. Also, through the cross He overcame death so that death may no longer have a hold on any Christian. And since death is the result of sin, sin therefore has no hold on a Christian. He bought our freedom on the cross. Many times we as Christians, or myself rather, think about that or hear it and become uber glad. But why? What does that mean? So many times I pray when I'm struggling with a certain sin and I ask God to give me strength to overcome it...but why? When we pray for our brothers or sisters who are clearly struggling, we ask God cut the chains to whatever sin is holding them captive...for what?

So many times I pray to God while missing the point entirely. He did not purchase my freedom just for the sake of freedom. Sin had a hold on me and made me a prisoner, because Satan didn't want me going somewhere or doing something in particular. Christ died so that I can freely live my life worshipping my Lord. Before becoming a Christian, sin held me captive and I was unable to glorify God's name. But since I am no longer a prisoner to sin, I have the freedom to praise His name. But do I truly consider that to be absolute freedom?

I think many times I pray when I'm struggling with something because I'm just tired of struggling with it. That mindset is basically centered around myself. It has nothing to do with God other than the fact that I know that I need Him in order to overcome the sin. Do I ever wrestle with sin and hate it because I just want to go living all out for God but this sin is holding me back? So for the sake of praising His name, do I cry out to Him and ask Him to set me free and help me to overcome? Do I treasure and cherish my ability to praise His name and actually have it fall upon God's ears as delightful and acceptable? Is that what I consider to be freedom, because that's what God considers it to be. Freedom to know Christ and to glorify His name. I think quite often I see it as the exact opposite. I see it as me wanting to enjoy a lot of things around me right now, but being a Christian in some ways limits me from doing that. Satan has so quite often manipulated my mindset into thinking this entire life as a Christian is the exact opposite of what it really is.

Tricky tricky that freakin' rodent. All the more reason to get lost in the Word daily and constantly and allow God to shape my heart and renew my mind. It's impossible to live in this world and not have it influence you and play tricks on your mind unless you impose your own mindset and will on it. And that comes from knowing God and living in His Word and being intimate with the Spirit. I need to keep praying that God gives me a heart and mind that is totally centered around Him and delights only in knowing my Lord and praising His name. Everything else is a lie.

The Dark Knight

2008-07-21T01:03:00.008-04:00

I just got back from watching The Dark Knight (sorry Julie). I'm not a person who is obsessed with movies and what not, but ever since Batman Begins was released, I was waiting for The Dark Knight to come out for 3 years. I seriously loved this new Batman series that Christopher Nolan was putting together. I was trying to avoid watching this movie because of my studies, but after reading numerous reviews about how good it was and seeing all the ratings and hearing everybody talk about it, I seriously couldn't resist...so I went ahead and watched it tonight (I'm weak). The movie was freakin' awesome. It wasn't just another stupid superhero movie, as was clearly seen through Batman Begins. But the script, I thought, was really awesome. Plus, the cast was great and all of that and yadda yadda yadda...but the point of this entry isn't a movie review.

As soon as I was walked out of the theaters, and even in middle of the movie, I just kept saying to myself, "This is freakin' awesome!" When the movie ended everybody applauded and I walked out of there with a smirk on my face without me even realizing it. I was so thoroughly satisfied with my experience of watching the movie. But on the car ride home, I was thinking more and more about the movie and I realized, it was incredibly dark. Even for a Batman movie, it was really dark. The way Heath Ledger played the Joker was really amazing. He did a ridiculously awesome job. But what I'm wondering to myself is, why am I so drawn to this movie? Strictly from an entertainment standpoint, this movie would definitely be amongst the top movies on my list. But why? It really irked me that a movie that I like so much was so dark.

What does this say about me? I'm not trying to be all hippie or new-age or anything funky, but just curious. And I think it's pretty safe to say that if you were to talk to most Christians about it, they'd say that it's just a movie. And I agree. It is just a movie. But as Christians, we hold onto a promise and a truth that the Spirit of God is alive and well in us. And with that, we are to be the light of the world, the salt of the earth. How are we to become and do that? Well, we hold onto different values and run a different race from the rest of the world. We are chosen by God to be loved by Him and to glorify His name. And with that mindset and heart, we seek to do anything and everything to get more and more intimate with God and to purify ourselves as much as possible in order to carry out a life worthy to be called Christians. So we are not to take every moment and circumstance in isolation, but we are to put it up against the light and see how it fits in the grand scheme of all things.

This world is without a doubt, rapidly progressing towards becoming (if not already has become) like the days of Noah where men simply did not have a single good thought in their hearts. Without question, this world is saturated in sin and wickedness. Without question. We just look at the kids growing up and at such a young age, they're so filthy already. They're not even aware of what they're doing, but we're able to see that their level of wickedness is simply scary. And if we as Christians have a mindset of just wanting to walk our way through this life, we need to wake up. That kind of a mindset is a mindset of one who is defeated. Why quietly walk through when we're supposed to conquer? We need to conquer. There is no other option. It's either we be overcome by sin or we overcome sin. There is nothing else. And being Christians and being alive in Christ, we already have victory over sin. So why live our lives here on earth allowing ourselves to be defeated by the very thing God has overcome for our sake? The battle is very much real and active. And if Satan does not rest, what makes us think that we should? Even if it's a little thing such as a movie, we should do all things with great care and concern and purpose. I'm not saying that if you're a Christian, then you shouldn't watch The Dark Knight. I'm not saying that at all. I'm not even really concerned about this movie per se. This movie just made me do some self-evaluating that's all. But what I am saying is, don't just go there without thinking. Don't just walk out of there and talk about it without thinking. Don't treat it as an event in isolation. Think about what you're living for and then act and speak.

I regret not doing that before I went to go watch this movie. And it bothers me that while I was sitting there throughout the movie, I was so pleased with everything going on instead of feeling in the slightest bit uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't think Jesus would've thoroughly enjoyed that movie, so if He is alive inside of me, then why did I enjoy it so much? Why isn't my heart totally in line with His? If my sole desire in all things that I do is to purify myself in order to better glorify God, then why did I not think about that before watching and then decide if I should or not. I understand that people are going to read this and probably think that I'm being a little overboard or extreme, but I would like to disagree. I may seem extremely conservative right here and now, but I truly believe that if I were to go Heaven right now, I'd be the crazy liberal and wild one. I'd be the one that doesn't quite fit in because I'm not just going buckwild for God in everything that I do. I will not allow myself to look at the standards of this world and try to be a little different. I pray that I can cling onto the Word of God and allow the Word to shape me into a godly man in every little way possible, and afterwards, however I am seen or received by this world...then so be it. I realized I'm living this life with my guards down. I'm not living for a single purpose centered around God. Far too often I set aside a time to carry out God's desires and then a separate time to carry out mine. I have much, much more dying to do. I've dropped my cross and abandoned my Lord. Let's all snap out of it and wake up and take our lives very seriously. Why? Because God did. He took our lives so seriously that He thought it was worth giving up His Son for. If He considers my life that precious, I think it's time I start doing the same.

Faith

2008-07-16T14:37:00.006-04:00

Noah. Usually, when you think of Noah, you think of how crazy and faithful he was in building the ark. God just basically told him to build it in preparation for a colossal flood that was going to come and wipe out every single breathing specimen that walked the earth. And we imagine in our heads how much he probably got ridiculed by the people of his day watching him build this ark. And when they asked him what he was doing, I'm pretty sure he told them of the flood, and can you imagine what the response of the people were? Man. There had to have been times where Noah just felt like garbage because of how he was getting treated by people left and right. But to just keep on trucking and building this huge ark. And it says of him a couple of times that, "Noah did everything just as God commanded him," and, "And Noah did all that the Lord commanded him." Geez, what immense faith!

But before we look at God's commands to Noah and Noah's obedience, you'd have to look a few verses prior and see what really took place. It said of the people of the time that the earth was filled with wicked people whose every (every!) inclination of the thoughts of their hearts were filled with only evil all the time! But among them, God saw that Noah was righteous and Noah constantly walked with God. This says it all.

First off, Noah wasn't crazy. To the naked eye, God's command of building an ark for a flood might sound insane, but Noah was passed that already. By that time, he wasn't a person who was going to look at what he was told to do and measure it's plausibility. All he was concerned about was who it was that was telling him to do it; and that was God. He walked with God. He talked with God. He knew God. He knew that God was trustworthy and able. He knew that God cared and loved him dearly. He knew that, well...that He was God! So what he was told to do didn't have to make sense because He trusted God, but only because He knew God.

Secondly, what people were saying to him while he was building the ark, although it might have been difficult, probably wasn't anything new. He already was far off different from them before he started building the ark. He lived among people who were just filled with insane amounts of wickedness, to a point where God actually regretted creating them! And among them, he was the only righteous one. The only one who sought to live a life for God. So long before the ark building took place, Noah was used to not being accepted in society and being ridiculed. So the actual building of the ark might seem really insane and such a huge leap of faith, but in actuality, it was all just in line with how Noah was already living his life on a daily basis.

So often we throw around this cute little phrase that says, "Faith is not blind," yet, we walk this world blindly all the time. Luke 16:10 says, "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much." That was exactly the case with Noah. He was faithful with his everyday little things. Even when times seemed so insignificant, he chose to walk with God and to grow closer and more intimate with God on a daily basis. And the more he grew in knowledge and intimacy with God, the easier it was to trust Him with more and more things, and with that, his faith grew moment by moment and day by day. Why is faith so important? Because it's directly correlated with how much you know God. Yes, it's completely true that faith is not blind, but do we really want to see? Deep in our hearts we hold onto so many things and something inside of us tells us that if we are to truly grow in faith and grow closer to God, chances are we're going to have to let go of the things we hold dear. And there's a certain fear inside of us and we often times say to ourselves, "I'm not ready to let go of this just yet. After this moment passes or after I'm done with this, then I'll go wholly towards God." We deliberately choose to live ignorantly so we won't have to go into battle every moment of everyday. But we are being lied to! What makes us think that having to let go of something in order to get closer to God is a bad thing? Would God really tell us to give something up if it wasn't for our very best and not a droplet less? But are we able to trust Him enough to listen to Him completely? In Christ, there is total freedom! There is total satisfaction! There is infinite joy! There we meet and get to walk with God! He is the ultimate provider and sustainer! What a tragedy that we hold onto such petty things so dearly that we're rejecting God! It's actually a burden to hold onto to those that we cherish so much. We hold onto it so dearly because we don't want to lose it. And it drains us. We live our lives to just hold onto things. But do you understand how much relief there is in Christ? He's the one that holds onto us! We don't need to struggle so much and work so hard to keep the things that are dear to us.

Isaiah 7:9 says, "Stand firm in faith, or you will not stand at all." Know your Lord, or you will not stand. There's too many things that please the eye and lures the body and tricks the mind. We are completely defenseless against every single temptation that comes our way, no matter how big or how small. But just keep your eyes set on Him and let Him fend off all things that try to get in the way between you and God. He is our shield and our fortress. He is the mighty warrior. And we are His beloved. Oh, what comfort there is in just knowing that we serve a God who is so faithful, so loving and so mighty! Let's not get lost so much in thinking what we would love to do or who we want to become, but rather, let's focus on just getting to know our Lord. He's a great God, so the closer you get to Him, it's just natural to be used in a great way. Let's not focus on the things that we need to give up in order to be in pursuit after God, but rather, let's keep our eyes on what there is to gain: Christ Himself!

Sacrifices That Matter

2008-07-08T17:50:00.002-04:00

It is so easy to just waste your life and not have it count for anything and it's a bit scary as to how real that possibility actually is. The Bible says that our life is like a mist, here one moment and gone the next, but I highly doubt that there are many people out there in the world that take that statement to heart. What makes me say this is that when you read the Bible, there are many instances where people do things in the name of God or for the name of God with sincere hearts, yet they totally miss the mark and God rebukes them for it.

One instance is seen in the life of Saul. When God commanded Saul to take his army and destroy a certain city, God told him to destroy everything so that not a single animal or person was left alive. When Saul went, however, he preserved the finest cattle and captured the king and kept him alive. When the prophet Samuel asking him why he did this, Saul replied that he kept it in order to sacrifice them unto the Lord. That's when the Lord rebuked Saul through Samuel saying that, "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." And that was when the Lord rejected Saul as king and Samuel then went to anoint David as future king.

Another instance is in Job. This is a very famous story where Job, who was a righteous man and a ridiculously wealthy man as well, had everything taken from him in a blink of an eye. All of his children were killed and his cattle and sheep and all of his possessions were burned down and taken away, his wife left him, and his body was covered in painful sores from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. It was so bad that when his friends were approaching him to comfort him, they had a hard time just recognizing him because his body was so messed up. And by and large, if you talk to people about this book, it's pretty well known that his friends were the bad guys and Job was the good guy. But if you actually read most of the things that his friends said to him, they don't sound all that bad. They say things along the lines of, "God is great and almighty. There is nothing that he cannot do. He is also a very merciful God so if you would just repent of your sins to Him, He will restore you." And for parts of the story, it's very possible to wonder what's so wrong with what they're saying? But at the end of the book, and even from the very beginning, it's clearly known that none of the tribulations that came Job's way was a result of any wrongdoing done on his part. God in all of His sovereignty just allowed it to happen.

So what's the point of all this? I see so much of myself in Saul and even more of myself in the friend's of Job. At every moment and season of my life, I truly believe that there is a certain thing that God wants me to do. He's an unbelievably intimate God so the things that He desires of me to do are very personal and unique. But if I fail to listen to Him, then not only is it very possible, but it's very, very likely that I will just get caught up in offering Him sacrifices that are quite frankly worthless to Him. It may seem like that I'm doing is good and right, but honestly, what is there that I can offer up to Him that he already doesn't have and that someone else out there in the world can't do it better than me. Yet, I feel like so many times I'm doing God a favor by doing certain things and sacrificing certain things when in the end, it's all for my own good. And in this day and age when everybody around you loves to tell you what to do and love to tell you who God is, we're filled with so much "knowledge" of God, yet so few of us truly know our Lord and Savior as the most intimate and personal being in our lives. We read bits and pieces of the Bible and walk away with commands on how we should act but are not able to see deeper than that and actually meet with the One who commands us those things for a certain reason and purpose. We fail to see that it's all out of love in the most intimate way that He tell us to do anything so we just walk away with commands, commands, commands. And our failure to search the Scriptures intently causes us to walk away with such an incomplete view of God. We fail to see how infinitely holy He is while at the same time seeing how infinitely loving and merciful He and how to connect the two. As a result, we have a notion of what this God-being is like but never really know Him. That causes us to live lives that are exactly like those of Job's friends. We may say things that sound right and good, but we'd just be reciting lines from a book and not talking about our most beloved Savior.

Oh, how I pray that the Holy Spirit just move in me and humble me before God at all times. That I may never walk around and arrogantly speak of God as if I know all there is to know about Him, but rather, that I just live my life quietly while desperately seeking after His face every single day in order that I would be able to do what He desires of me. And that I may know what it is that He wants of me in a most intimate and personal way. I pray that I do not allow myself to get flooded with the things of this world so that I am unable to hear the voice of my God. May bringing glory to His name and His name alone be the sole desire of my life. God is so amazingly good!

Let's Add Some Depth To Our Souls

2008-06-29T17:08:00.009-04:00

Quick fixes are probably one of the most harmful and destructive things to a Christian's spirituality. It turns us all into shallow human beings and unspiritual beings. It causes us, as Pastor Daevid alluded to today, to live by sight and not by faith. And the effect that this has on today's Christians is absolutely undeniable. Just try having a conversation with another person. It is so ridiculously hard to have conversations that are of depth and of meaning. Try reading some writings from back in the day like Jonathan Edwards and William Carey or Martyn Lloyd-Jones and Arthur Pink. You know why their faiths were so strong and profound? Because it was DEEPLY rooted in Scripture. Mind you, they were just mere human beings no different from us. We look up to those types of people, even people in the Bible like Moses and Paul and so on, but they were all just simply finite beings. What sets them apart, however, is their decisions on whether or not to take root in things of this world or of God...the rest, is all God. It is God who lifts up and tears down. It is God who enables and prevents. It is God who fills us with knowledge or cripples our minds.

Man...if only we were to be able to understand just how badly God wants to engage in a real, intimate, deep relationship with us. If only we were able to understand that we are all just prostitutes running from pleasure to pleasure and constantly forsaking our true love and the one love that is absolutely real. If only we were able to see that God's heart is exactly how it was shown through Hosea whom He kept commanding to go back and snatch the prostitute out from adultery, to forgive her completely and lavish her with love with all his heart as his wife...time and time and time again. God's heart burns for us! Oh what a wonderful God we have! But we're all just so busy and distracted with meaningless things that choose to ignore Him for things that are so much less (and that is such a gross understatement). Yet, God is unrelenting. He doesn't grow impatient. No, not at all! The only thing that grows is His undying passion to love us and to constantly put us through the fire so that we come out tried and true. He wants us in our entirety! He's not satisfied with half-heartedness not because He's a God who is selfish but because He is a God who loves infinitely! He knows what our hearts need and it's Him and Him alone! It makes no sense that He cherishes us so much! But hallelujah He does! This is such a beautiful love story that should captivate and fascinate us to a point of fainting! But how sad it is that we are so blind to this. We have deadened our spiritual senses so much that we actually have to debate whether or not choosing God and living fervent lives for Him is worth it at times. What's worse, we often, often, often times actually go further than debating and actually choose this world over our amazing Lord. Still, I cannot believe that God just continues to look down on us with nothing but burning love and compassion.

Let's please just allow ourselves to get lost in this love every moment of our lives. Outside of His amazing love for us is absolutely nothing! There is no joy, no satisfaction, no peace, no comfort and no life! Let's guard ourselves every moment against the wicked lies of Satan that try to lure us away from our Lord and His amazing love. Let's grow to love one another through the love that Jesus Christ has shown and given us to become more united as one body. We often times look at the "demands" of Christianity and the lifestyle that it commands us to carry out and dread it, only because we fail to see how beautiful of a design it really is. We need to stop focusing so much on the actual moment and trials that we are going through (even the up-times and pleasant parts for that matter) and focus more on the hand that is actually guiding us through everywhere for our betterment and refinement. And in that we should find a peace and comfort that this world cannot understand or match. If only we were able to understand and see the love of God for us and to be able to claim it as our own, would things be so different.

I pray that our prayers are like those of David who said, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

I pray that God has absolute victory in all of our lives and I thank Him and praise Him for who He is, for if He was any different, we'd all be doomed. But praise be to God for our Redeemer lives and He loves us more than we can imagine. Let's start getting to know the One who loves us because He is worthy.

Mmm...

2008-06-24T22:33:00.001-04:00

Jesus heals all things and His love knows no bound!

He loves me so much!

Remembering The Past

2008-06-22T21:14:00.005-04:00

I was just reading Seth Godin's blog through DesiringGod.org and it really got me thinking about my own life. If I think about how much the people around me have worked so hard, suffered so greatly, sacrificed beyond belief and poured out their hearts for me to get to this point, am I living this moment honorably and valiently in respect to the ones that helped get me here? My dad has worked endless amounts of hours and sacrificed so much in order to save up for my college tuition, but if he were to have known how I would've spent my days at college, would he have worked as hard? Did I disappoint him? How many times throughout my lifetime have I just cruised through things because all I could think about was myself at the present moment. I did whatever was most comfortable for me at the time, never even giving a moment's time to think about all the sacrifice and love that was poured out in order for me to be in that moment to begin with.

To think beyond that, just think about God. Think about the sacrifices that He made for me to be here right now. He gave up His Son just so that I could be here right now and so that Him and I can have intimacy and open lines of communication with no barriers! Just imagine how excited He was to give me that gift and He was completely unrelenting and never even hesitated when sending His Son to die for me. And what am I doing with that gift now? Would He think that it was all worth it? The crazy and amazing thing is, that the answer is yes. Always has been and always will be, 'yes.' But what am I to do with that? Am I to say to myself that I know that His love for me is complete and that He is totally satisfied with me right now, so I can just sit back and relax and cruise through life? If there is even the slightest thought or inclination within my heart that thinks that way, then I truly do not know my God and the gift that He has given unto me should be stripped from me for all of eternity. I must look to the cross and through the cross realize and understand the value of my life. I must look to the cross and understand what the cost was in order for me to be alive in this moment. With that knowledge, I must give all that I am in order to please the One who made the ultimate sacrifice for my betterment ... for my salvation. Just as we would be apalled at a kid who had the most loving, caring parents who sacrificed everything for the kid, and then to see the kid turn around and say, 'Who cares!' and go on to live a life that does everything possible to spite his parents, we must understand that we are that kid. But our Father is one whose love never grows weak and not for a single second would He ever think that we were not worth the price. How then can I live my life so focused on my little, insignificant 'needs' as to inhibit my ability to worship and thank my God wholeheartedly at all times? This moment is not just a moment. It is a moment that is marked by the blood of Jesus Christ. Then I must not dare to take my life and the way I live it out so lightly.

I love God so much but He loves me so much more!

Do I Really?

2008-06-20T22:52:00.000-04:00

I often times wonder if I truly know my Lord. Outside of just plain textual knowledge, do I honestly know my Lord intimately? The more I think about it, I can't help but confess that not only do I not know Him as much as I would like, but more importantly, I don't know Him as much as I need to know Him. When I search the Scriptures, do I flip through the pages that deal with His holiness and His justice and just flood myself with all the kindness and compassion? How can I truly appreciate and understand His mercy then without knowing how holy and just He is? Do I have an unbalanced view of my Lord, which in reality is not just a semi-true view but a flat out false view of Him? Do I read to Bible and proclaim myself to be a Christian and do all things to just better myself or do I sincerely do it because of my love for God and wanting His name glorified above all things?

When I read about the life of David there are so many things that just perplex me and things that I just flat out don't understand. David surely did live a life that just treasured and loved God far above all things. Still being a sinner, however, he did commit many sins and had his fair share of slips in his walk with God, most notably his murderous and adulterous acts with Bathsheeba. After all that, however, when he cries out to the Lord, he says of himself in 2 Samuel chapter 22, "The Lord has dealt me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me...I have been blameless before him and have kept myself from sin." How can he say that before God with such boldness and confidence? If I were to pray to God now, there'd be now way I can pray that prayer and not be thinking deep down inside that there's no way there's any truth behind those words. What truth about God did he truly claim to be his own that I just fail to understand in my relationship with God? Even God, when He speaks of David after he has passed away says of David that he was a man who did all the things of God's heart in his lifetime and doesn't mention at all any of the sins and shortcomings throughout his lifetime. So obviously, God's heart and David's heart were totally in line with one another and that's why David was able to live so boldly and confidently before the Lord. He knew exactly who he was before the eyes of God. Even when he screwed up, He did not linger around because he was afraid to suffer the consequences of his actions but embraced the correction that God had for Him for He just loved God so much that he didn't want anything to stand between them.

Do I truly know my Lord? Even in my prayers of repentence, do I truly believe that God has the ability to strike me down and end my life on the spot? Or do I have a mentality that it's highly unlikely so it's not a living truth in my heart? I find that I still live this life by sight and not by faith, which means that I'm pretty much spiritually blind. One thing that I think I need to start realizing is that I have to stop asking the question, "What is it that prevents me from know my Lord as intimately as He desires for me to know Him?" There is nothing in this world that can prevent me from that. Whatever obstacles seem to be in my way are absolutely irrelevant. It is my own heart that prevents me. I have to stop looking around for things to prune out of my life and start getting my heart wholly focused on Him and the pruning will naturally take place. I need to start soaking myself in His Word and taking things very literally. My walk with God will progress as far as my faith will allow me to go. If I have certain doubts about how truly intimate God and a mere human being such as myself can get and start thinking that there are some boundaries and limitiations to the level of intimacy, then there's going to be limitations, but only the ones that I set up. Do I truly desire to know my Lord? How badly do I want to be able to say before God when everything is said and done that knowing Him was the true desire of my heart? Man oh man, how I long to truly, truly, truly live by faith and not by sight.

Insanity

2008-06-13T00:12:00.000-04:00

The life of a Christian is a life of insanity. None of it makes sense yet all of it is extreme. If there is any part of you, as a Christian, that is just cruising through life, take some time to just seriously evaluate what your life is about down at the very core. This is said very, very frequently. You are constantly being told to take time to think and meditate on the Lord and His Word and also your own life. I think what people in this generation fail to realize, however, is just how difficult that actually is. It's ridiculously pleasurable, don't get me wrong on that, but it is very difficult. When you begin to sit down to meditate and get lost in deep thought with the Lord, He brings you places where you just don't want to go. He makes you come face to face with the dirtiest sins of your life and the most ugly parts of your personality. And just when you think He's finished, He brings you deeper ... and deeper ... and deeper until you're left in a state of absolute despair. And at that point, He makes you sit there and not only see it, but dwell on it. Let it sink it. You want to get up and end it, but you can't. You just cannot bear walking away with that image and that knowledge of yourself. And you sit there ... meditating on this until you confess wholly with your heart that you are wicked and worthless. That you are wretched. We say this many, many times but we say it so flippantly that we often times can admit to ourselves that we still walk away thinking that a tiny bit of good is in us, somewhere. But that doesn't do it for God. He wants every ounce of your body and soul to scream out to Him, "I AM UNWORTHY!" Then, it is at that point that He shows His face to you. That's when He just embraces you and floods you with tenderness and compassion that you never knew existed. He saturates you in His love to a point where you're about to die because you're so overwhelmed. And that's exactly what He wants ... death. He wants you to look up to Him and declare, "I'd rather die than go a second without you!" And then you get up and go about your day. And then you wake up the next morning, and you do it all over again and again and again.

Do you understand how much discipline that takes? It takes a supernatural amount of discipline. One that humans are unable to develop on their own. Do you understand how 15, 30 minute QT's won't cut it? How can you experience this in a mere 15 minutes?! What do those 15 minutes do for you? (Now, I'm not putting any sort of time limit on QT's because a wholehearted 15 minutes can lead you to see and experience God. What I'm talking about are QT's that you do just to be able to check it off the day's agenda.)

The life of a Christian is truly insane. I just heard a sermon from Pastor Francis and he ended it by saying something along the lines of do you want to live a life where after you die, nobody remembers you at all, but rather, only Jesus? And that got me thinking and man! How insane! Living with that sort of a mindset and heart, you'd do almost everything differently. The way you study, work, play, worship ... everything changes. And the only way to do it is by giving God your heart in its entirety. So many times we envision ourselves sometime down the road after we've got jobs and careers and families just living our lives out for God. And sometimes I catch myself saying, "Man, I can't wait for that day." And then I realized, I just totally missed the entire point and with that, just how thickheaded I am. Luke 16:10 says, "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much." And then I also remembered when in the Bible the lady went to the temple and basically dropped in chump change for offering and Jesus said that she gave more than anybody else. And also, how Mary came and poured perfume on Jesus' feet and got heavily criticized for not giving it to the poor, but Jesus said that wherever the gospel is preached, her story will be told as well. And on and on and on it goes in the Bible and we say it to ourselves so often as well but it doesn't hit home at the heart. I still try to scrap my way into giving Him a more worthy offering by giving more and more, but what He wants is my heart in its entirety. And again, this is said so very often but what does it mean? When you start tapping into the true meaning of giving Him your heart, you realize just how deep it is. And that is why we must meditate on Him daily! Get lost in His Word! Cry out to Him in prayer! Live with some freakin' passion!